Okay, apparently season 4 starts the 25th of this month. Will this be true? Who can say?
Other than that, I'm still a little bummed that for the series Transformers: RiD2k15 will most likely end after season 2 which only has 19 episodes instead of 26. You know CN, maybe more people would watch on Saturday here in EST land if you didn't put it on 6:30 am. You TRYING to get this show cancelled? Oh wait. Whoops.
I don't care what anyone says, I adore that series. It's not as great as TFP, but it's a fun series.
Anyways, I'm sorry for the slow update with art and not being as talkative as of late. I'm still a huge ball of nerves with doctors appointments and having to drive my dad around for 3 months. That and that damn mouse we've had in here for over a year still has not been caught. AUGH. Fortunately the peppermint oil seem to help get it out of the top floor of the house though. ...of course I still get scared thinking it came up here though. Augh. Not a 100% sure but it might have come up from downstairs last night but it only stayed in one area this time. Likely it smelled the oil and ran like hell. Lol
Also unfortunately I've been a little sick lately. For the past couple of days or so I hadn't had good sleep and I didn't eat a whole meal. Why haven't I had a meal? Well, on Friday my brother and I had to order carry out due to the rain being crazy and my parents were at a viewing for my Uncle Bud who passed away on the 25th of last month. So anyway, we order from a deli (I wasn't wanting that) and I ordered something that I had before that I thought was good the last time we tried the place. What happens? I get my order and it's entirely different than what it was before and it was NASTY. ...how in the actual hell can you mess up a knife and fork turkey sandwich meal? You know it's horrible if when you reheat and the gravy stays in clumps/jelly. ...so I only ate a few bites of that and threw it out. Yay. That was my meal.
Also why was I out of it from lack of sleep? Well I went to bed and ended up getting up early (Only had 4 hours of sleep due to my stomach hurting) and I stayed up all the way till 10 pm till my parents got home while I did everything around the house and my brother slept. ...yeah. You can see why I'm annoyed with this fact on how I do everything and yet I get nothing out of it.
Then on Saturday, with the weather still bad (and me being still sick) I went to my room around 2:30 pm because I thought I was having a panic attack due to lack of sleep. Now in a previous conversation with my mother the previous night about how mad I was with my brother on how he didn't do anything and how I still had to abide to his rules. Now the stupid thing is - they KNEW this would happen. ...what the hell are they? Sadists?! Anyways, my mother the previous night said with the weather still being bad - I would choose what we would get Saturday. ...and yet that was a lie because my mother and father went and got food that I didn't want. Freedom of choice? Yeah. <_< Okay then.
...didn't think much of it. So I started to eat the food I got and had to stop. THERE WAS HAIR IN MY FOOD THAT WAS NOT MINE. So I had to throw it out. So there I was on the verge of tears/frustration that I have been stressed and sick and worked myself by burning the candle at both ends and yet this was going to be day 2 of only eating a few bites of food. Thankfully though, my mother offered me to order something somewhere else - which I did. Then I finally ate something decent.
I know it's silly for me to whine about something like that, but when you're at a state where you feel like everything is going not in your favor and you're also sick - it's a vulnerable time, you know? Maybe that goes with my anxiety/severe depression. But it's because of moods like this and me being so tired and overworking myself that I don't do things like art. The thing is - whenever I take time for myself, I sometimes tend to feel bad because I feel like I should be doing things for others instead; and that in turn makes me stress and then I get way out of it because of it. Because I've had incidents where I do things for myself and yet I get in trouble for it.
Like for example, I one time was sitting at my desk doing some things for fun because I spent 5-9 hours worth of cleaning my room (I'm still not done, but I wanted to do this to better myself and to hopefully move my computer into my room one of these days. ) and my brother was in the living room with his laptop having done nothing else. Now my mother she was moving things back and forth in and out of the house to her car since she took stuff out from it previously (which I helped carry in the house the day before!) and she didn't ask for any help - so I didn't think much of it. So you know what she did when she was carrying the last bit? She yelled, "THANKS FOR THE FUCKING HELP, GUYS!" It caught me off guard because 1. I didn't expect to be a mind reader. Usually when you want help you ASK for it! and 2. I was exhausted from cleaning all day! My brother could have helped - so why the hell is she yelling at me too?
You see what I mean? It's moments like that where I don't help - I get yelled at and it makes me feel like I'm a bad person even though I know I'm not. It's the whole guilt trip crap.
Ugh I swear to God, when I make enough money for an apartment and such to help with my life - I am moving the hell out of here. And I will not feel bad about it either. I do not care that they would feel lost without me in this house because clearly any time I'm away from home - the whole house goes to hell. I am not a freaking mediator. This is the kind of thing that makes me shut people out I care about unintentionally.
Now I'm not bashing at my parents or my brother - it's just that I feel like I'm given more responsibilities and expectations than a normal person should have. I can only do so much. I'm no Wonder Woman.
I'm sorry for going something that was a lighter note to a darker note fast. I just needed a moment to really vent and gather my thoughts because this was eating me up from the inside for a long time. That and with my time of the month being due tomorrow - that doesn't help and the fact that my OBGYN is scheduled for Tuesday so that's got me stressed. ...if I have my er... time of the month - I pretty much have to cancel the appointment for my sanity's sake. ...so fingers crossed I get this damn appointment over with this week.
Okay, I think I'll stop ranting for now. I'll try to get some things done for myself for now since I seem to be the only one awake at the moment...